Making Mom Friends is Like Dating, But Weirder

by Alycia Calderin

Remember when making friends was as simple as asking, “Wanna play tag?” Those were the golden years. Now, as a mom, making friends is more like dating, but way weirder. You’re not just finding someone you click with; you’re also trying to match schedules, parenting styles, and the wildly different personalities of your kids, who may range from sticky toddlers to phone-addicted teens. It’s like speed dating, but with more Goldfish crackers and chaos.

Step 1: The “Meet Cute”

Every great mom friendship begins with a “meet cute,” but it’s rarely glamorous. Maybe it’s at the park while your toddler is clinging to your leg and hers is making a break for the swings. Maybe it’s at middle school pickup, where both of you are deciphering whether “sus” is a compliment or an insult in your kids’ latest conversation.

Breaking the ice is the hardest part. Do you start with a compliment? (“Your kid’s laugh is so contagious!”) A question? (“Do you understand this slang they’re using, or are they just making words up?”) Or a mutual sigh of exhaustion as you both trail behind your teens, who are busy Snapchatting while pretending you don’t exist?

The stakes feel high because if it doesn’t click, you might still see her at soccer practice or PTA meeting for the next decade.

Step 2: The First “Date”

You’ve exchanged numbers or Instagram handles, because moms don’t hand out business cards, they swap memes. The next step? The playdate or hangout. This is the mom friend equivalent of a first date, complete with the nerves and overthinking.

For moms of toddlers, it’s a playdate at someone’s house or a park. You’re debating whether to pack snacks (will her kid eat Goldfish, or does she only do organic?). For middle school moms, it might be a sleepover drop-off or a science fair booth. And for moms of teens, it’s a trip to the mall or a coffee shop while your kids “hang out” (and you pray they aren’t secretly dating).

During this hangout, you’re subtly evaluating her mom style. Is she laid-back, or does she color-code her calendar? Does she judge your spicy book obsession, or does she secretly own a Kindle full of smut novels too? These are the mom friend equivalent of asking someone about their music taste or favorite TV shows.

Step 3: The Texting Phase

If the first “date” goes well, congratulations! You’re now in the texting phase. This is where the real magic happens. You’re swapping memes about toddler tantrums or deciphering the weird slang middle schoolers are using (Why is everything “fire”? Why is “rizz” a thing?).

Texting a new mom friend is a delicate balance. You don’t want to overdo it and come off too eager. (“Did I just double text her about the PTO bake sale?”) At the same time, you don’t want to leave her hanging too long and seem uninterested. A true mom-friend match happens when you both hit “send” on a message about how your kid just tried to argue that Fortnite is educational.

Bonus points if your conversations shift to non kid topics, like spicy book recommendations or your shared dream of sneaking off to a beach resort where no one calls you “Mom.”

Step 4: The Red Flags

Not every mom friend is meant to be. Just like dating, you might encounter a few red flags. Maybe she’s the supermom who drops humblebrags like, “Oh, Brayden just loves his calculus tutor. It’s such a shame the violin competition overlaps with chess nationals!” Or maybe she’s the mom who’s way too intense about PTA fundraisers, texting you at 10 p.m. about cookie quotas.

Sometimes the red flags are smaller. Like realizing her idea of fun is a daily 5 a.m. workout, while yours is sleeping in and reading while enjoying a giant coffee. It’s okay to let those friendships fade. You can still wave at her at school events without committing to weekly playdates.

Step 5: Finding “The One”

Eventually, you’ll find her. The mom friend who just gets you. She’s the one who doesn’t flinch when your toddler throws a snack tantrum or your teen announces they need a ride to a party five minutes before it starts. She’s the one who laughs when you confess that your dinner plan is “whatever they can microwave themselves.”

Your kids may not even like each other, but that doesn’t matter. She’s your person. The one you can text about book plot twists, vent to about middle school chorus concerts, or laugh with about the fact that your teen calls everything “cringe” (including you).

Why It’s Worth It

Yes, making mom friends is awkward. It’s vulnerable. It’s exhausting. But it’s also one of the best things you can do for yourself. Because no matter what stage your kids are in, having someone who can laugh, cry, and sip lukewarm coffee with you makes it all a little easier.

So, the next time you see a mom who looks like she could use a friend, take the chance. Share a snack, a story, or even your favorite new show rec. Because while making mom friends might feel like dating, it’s worth every awkward moment to find your tribe.