Grace, Giggles, and a Little Chemical Help

By Alycia Calderin

They say laughter is the best medicine.
And sure, laughter helps, but I also take the real kind. Prescribed, tiny, life saving medicine. Because as it turns out, motherhood is a lot to handle with just caffeine and coping mechanisms.

Let’s be honest: motherhood is beautiful, but it’s also exhausting in a way no one really warns you about. Not the kind of tired that sleep fixes, the kind that sits in your bones. You can love your life, your kids, your husband, your dog, and still wake up some mornings feeling like you’re running on an emotional Windows 95 system that keeps freezing.

 

The Pressure to Be Fine

There’s this unspoken rule that moms have to hold it all together. We’re expected to be grateful, patient, creative, nurturing, productive, fit, emotionally stable, and available for class cupcakes, all at once.

When I had my first child, I thought I just needed to push through the hard parts. I thought maybe I wasn’t praying enough, or drinking enough water, or doing enough yoga. (Spoiler: I was doing none of those things. I was, however, crying in the shower and Googling “can you die from exhaustion.”)

It took me years to realize what was actually happening wasn’t weakness, it was my brain waving a little white flag. So, I got help. Real, honest help. And one day, I swallowed that first little pill that promised balance.

And you know what? It didn’t make me less “me.”
 It made me the version of me I had been trying so hard to claw my way back to.

The Myth of the Perfect Mom Brain

We’re told to “take care of ourselves,” but no one talks about how complicated that can be. There’s a strange shame that comes with admitting you might need more than a walk or a podcast. But the truth is, you can’t self care your way out of a chemical imbalance.

I used to think antidepressants were for “other people.” The ones who couldn’t handle life. Now I know they’re for people exactly like me, who handle so much life that sometimes we just need a little extra serotonin to keep up.

I still have days where I’m juggling so much that I forget where I set my coffee (and my sanity). But I also have days where I laugh so hard I cry, cook dinner while dancing in the kitchen, and feel like I’m living in color again. And that’s worth every doctor visit, every adjustment, every ounce of vulnerability it took to ask for help.

The Grace in Getting Help

I used to think being strong meant doing it all myself. Now I know real strength looks like sitting in a doctor’s office and saying, “I’m not okay.” It looks like finally accepting that taking medication isn’t giving up, it’s choosing to show up.

It’s funny, though..when I started being honest about it, so many other moms quietly admitted, “Me too.” It’s like we’ve all been taking turns pretending we’re fine while silently Googling side effects.

Maybe the strongest thing we can do for each other is stop pretending.

A Little Humor and a Lot of Hope

I still lose my cool, still run late, still forget spirit day and the permission slip and occasionally my own password to life. The meds didn’t turn me into a zen goddess, they just helped turn down the static.

Now, instead of running on chaos and caffeine alone, I run on chaos, caffeine, and a carefully calibrated dose of Celexa.

And honestly? It’s working for me.

So if you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt like you’re failing because you need help, please know you’re not alone. Whether your self care looks like journaling, therapy, or a tiny pink pill, it’s still self care. You’re still the mom who shows up, even if you needed a little help getting there.

Because at the end of the day, motherhood isn’t about being perfect.
 It’s about being present.
 And sometimes, presence requires prescription strength